My Baby is Almost 1

It is one week until Ainsley's birthday, which also means it's one day from the anniversary of my due date.  I remember this time last year and the anticipation that I had about meeting my little "Squirt".  I was huge, bloated, swollen, uncomfortable, nervous about my birth experience (I guess with good reason), and mentally ready for the whole pregnancy journey to be over.  I didn't have a bad pregnancy.  Except for the dehydration/hospital stay episode, everything seemed to go according to plan.  Little did I know about the joys and struggles the next 52 weeks would bring. 

Ainsley's first year has had many highs and many lows.  The biggest struggle has been breastfeeding and my low supply.  After having to have a c-section, I was so excited to exclusively breast feed my baby just to find out that I wasn't making enough milk to do so.  For an already disappointed mommy from the birth experience, this was devastating.  Over time I came to accept that formula had to be part of our everyday life, but it was not without many tears.  At the same time, I have educated myself about breastfeeding and milk production.  I am cautiously optimistic about the possibilites for the next time around.  Thankfully, Ainsley still loves to nurse, and we are able to maintain that relationship and the comforting effects that it has.  Many moms who supplement end up stopping nursing at some point because the baby begins to refuse to nurse, I am so glad that was not the case for us.  As we turn towards a year, I am happy to know that the ending of pumping is just around the corner but I know that we will continue our morning and night time feedings for awhile.  It may be that my milk supply falls off without the demand during the day, but I hope that we are able to nurse until Ainsley decides it is time to wean.

This first year has held many other highs and lows.  The first time parent mistakes and all of baby's firsts.  It is amazing how the little person I held in my arms in the hospital has become a walking, babbling, and very self assured little toddler.  Recently we've had our first scraped knee and bloody lip.  I never knew I could be so strong when faced with my little one hurting and bleeding. 

These last few days before Ainsley's first birthday are going to be bittersweet.  I'm not ready for her to grow up yet, it is happening too fast.  At the same time, I can't wait until she can entertain herself for more than a couple minutes at a time and to really communicate with us via words or signs.  So as I look forward to her first birthday and birthday party, I can't help but think back at everything we've gone through this year.  The colds, trips, diapers, boo boos, crawling, walking, cooing, smiling, babbling, bottles, solid foods, cheerios, naps, cuddles, hugs, baby kisses, joys and frustrations.  I am going to enjoy this last week as much as possible, but try not to wish that she wasn't growing up at all.